Communicating with Clients

Great coaching is built on great communication. You can have deep knowledge, excellent programming skills, and years of experience, but if you can't communicate effectively with clients, your impact will be limited.

This chapter covers the communication skills that separate adequate trainers from exceptional coaches: active listening, motivational interviewing, and providing feedback that actually produces change.

The Importance of Communication in Coaching

Communication is the delivery mechanism for everything else you do as a coach:

Technical instruction: Your knowledge is useless if you can't convey it in ways clients understand and apply.

Motivation: Motivation often comes through conversation—understanding clients' goals, challenges, and what drives them.

Trust building: Trust develops through communication. Clients who feel heard are more likely to trust your guidance.

Problem-solving: Issues surface through communication. Clients who don't feel comfortable talking won't share the information you need.

Adherence: Clients follow programs better when they understand the reasoning. That understanding comes through communication.

Many coaches focus on programming expertise and exercise knowledge while neglecting communication skills. This is a mistake. A mediocre program delivered with excellent communication often outperforms an excellent program delivered poorly.

Active Listening

Most people listen to respond. Active listening means listening to understand.

What Active Listening Looks Like

Full attention: Put down your phone. Make eye contact. Don't scan the room for other clients or distractions.

Non-verbal engagement: Face the speaker. Lean in slightly. Nod to show understanding. Maintain open body language.

Verbal acknowledgment: Brief responses that show you're following: "I see," "Go on," "That makes sense."

No interruption: Let clients finish their thoughts. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions before understanding the problem.

Clarifying questions: "When you say you're struggling, what specifically is happening?" "Can you tell me more about that?"

Paraphrasing: "So what you're saying is..." This confirms understanding and shows the client you're tracking.

Emotional reflection: "It sounds like that was frustrating for you." Acknowledging emotions validates the client's experience.

What Active Listening Is Not

Waiting for your turn to talk: If you're mentally preparing your response while they're speaking, you're not fully listening.

Immediately offering solutions: Sometimes clients need to be heard before they're ready for solutions.

One-upping: "Oh, that happened to me too, let me tell you..." shifts focus from client to coach.

Minimizing: "That's not a big deal" or "Everyone struggles with that" dismisses the client's experience.

Multi-tasking: Checking notes, watching other clients, or thinking about other things signals that the client isn't your priority.

Why Active Listening Matters

Information gathering: You can't address what you don't understand. Listening reveals what's really going on.

Rapport building: People feel connected to those who listen to them. Listening builds trust.

Client satisfaction: Feeling heard is a fundamental human need. Clients who feel heard are more satisfied.

Problem identification: The presenting problem isn't always the real problem. Listening helps you discover underlying issues.

Motivation: Clients are more motivated to work with coaches who understand and care about them.

Motivational Interviewing

Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a communication style developed for behavioral change. It's particularly useful when clients are ambivalent about change or resistant to guidance.

The Spirit of MI

MI is built on four principles:

Partnership: You're working with the client, not on them. They're the expert on their own life.

Acceptance: You accept clients as they are while supporting change. Judgment has no place.

Compassion: You genuinely care about the client's well-being and operate in their interest.

Evocation: You draw out the client's own motivation rather than imposing external motivation.

Core Skills: OARS

Open-ended questions: Questions that can't be answered with yes/no. They invite reflection and elaboration.

• Closed: "Do you want to lose weight?"

• Open: "What would losing weight mean for your life?"

• Closed: "Did you train this week?"

• Open: "Tell me about your training this week."

• Closed: "Are you motivated?"

• Open: "What motivates you to keep training?"

Affirmations: Genuine statements that recognize client strengths and efforts.

• "You've been showing up consistently despite a tough schedule."
• "It takes courage to try something that intimidates you."
• "I notice you're really committed to getting this right."

Affirmations should be specific and honest. Empty praise is transparent and counterproductive.

Reflections: Statements that mirror back what the client has said, sometimes with added depth.

• Simple reflection: Client says "I'm tired of not seeing progress." Coach: "You're frustrated with the pace of change."

• Amplified reflection: Client says "I guess I should probably train more." Coach: "Training more feels like it would be a huge burden." (This often evokes the client to argue for change.)

• Double-sided reflection: "On one hand, you enjoy your current routine. On the other hand, you're not getting the results you want."

Summaries: Pulling together what the client has shared, demonstrating you've been listening and helping organize their thoughts.

"So let me see if I understand. You started training because you wanted to feel stronger and more confident. You've made some progress, but lately you've hit a plateau and it's frustrating. You're not sure if you should change your approach or just keep at it. Is that right?"

Responding to Resistance

When clients resist change or push back on guidance, MI offers specific strategies:

Roll with resistance: Don't argue. Arguments entrench positions and damage rapport.

Client: "I don't see why I need to train my legs. I just want bigger arms." Arguing: "Leg training is important for overall development. You're making a mistake." Rolling: "You're focused on upper body development right now. Tell me more about what you're hoping to achieve."

Emphasize autonomy: Remind clients that choices are theirs.

"Ultimately, it's your decision how to train. I can share what I know, but you get to decide what makes sense for you."

Explore ambivalence: Rather than pushing one direction, explore both sides.

"You mention you want to train more, but also that time is tight. What would training more give you? What would it cost you?"

Develop discrepancy: Help clients see gaps between their values/goals and current behavior.

"You've said that being a role model for your kids is really important to you. How does your current health and fitness align with that?"

When to Use MI

MI is particularly valuable when:

• Clients are ambivalent about change
• Resistance is present
• You want to strengthen intrinsic motivation
• Clients need to make difficult decisions
• You're exploring values and deeper motivation

It's less necessary when clients are already motivated and just need technical guidance.

Providing Effective Feedback

Feedback is essential for improvement, but poorly delivered feedback is counterproductive. The goal is feedback that clients can actually hear, understand, and apply.

Principles of Effective Feedback

Be specific: "Good job" conveys almost nothing. "Your shoulder alignment was excellent on that set" is actionable.

Focus on behavior, not person: "That rep was rushed" versus "You're impatient." The former addresses behavior; the latter attacks character.

Balance positive and corrective: Constant criticism is demoralizing. Constant praise becomes meaningless. Mix genuine positive recognition with constructive correction.

Be timely: Feedback is most useful immediately after the behavior. Don't save observations for later.

Be manageable: One or two points per set is absorbable. A list of ten corrections is overwhelming.

Be clear on priority: If multiple issues exist, identify the most important one. "The main thing to focus on right now is..."

The Feedback Sandwich (and Its Problems)

The traditional approach: positive comment, then correction, then positive comment. This can feel formulaic and insincere. Clients learn to brace for the negative when they hear praise.

Better approach: Be direct with corrections, but ensure the overall relationship has enough positive recognition that correction doesn't feel threatening. Don't mechanically package every correction in praise.

Providing Corrective Feedback

State observation: What you saw, without judgment. "I noticed your elbows flared on that set."

Explain impact: Why it matters. "When elbows flare, it shifts stress from triceps to shoulders."

Provide guidance: What to do instead. "Try squeezing your elbows in as if holding a piece of paper in your armpits."

Check understanding: Confirm they got it. "Does that make sense? Any questions before the next set?"

Receiving Feedback About Your Coaching

Communication is two-way. Create space for clients to give you feedback:

• "How are you finding the training so far?"
• "Is there anything you'd like to do differently?"
• "What's working well? What could work better?"
• "Is there anything I should know that would help me coach you better?"

And when you receive feedback, listen actively. Don't get defensive. Thank them for sharing. Reflect on whether the feedback points to something you could improve.

Communication Challenges

The Silent Client

Some clients don't naturally share much. Don't assume they're satisfied or that everything is fine.

Strategies:

• Use open-ended questions that require more than yes/no
• Allow silence after questions—some people need time to formulate responses
• Check in specifically: "How are energy levels? Sleep? Stress?"
• Build rapport over time; some clients open up as trust develops

The Over-Talker

Some clients talk extensively, which can consume session time without productive communication.

Strategies:

• Summarize and redirect: "So you've had a busy week. Let's use our time today to..."
• Set expectations: "I want to hear what's going on, and I also want to make sure we have time for a good session."
• Use the warm-up for conversation and keep the main session focused

The Negative Client

Some clients focus primarily on what's wrong—with their progress, their body, their life.

Strategies:

• Acknowledge their experience without reinforcing negativity
• Redirect to action: "That sounds frustrating. What's one thing we could do today that would help?"
• Challenge gently: "You mentioned nothing is working, but I've seen you improve your hold time significantly. What would you call that?"
• Model positive framing in your own communication

The Disagreeable Client

Some clients push back on your guidance, second-guess your programming, or think they know better.

Strategies:

• Explore their perspective: "Tell me more about why you're thinking that approach might work better."
• Provide reasoning: "Here's why I recommend this approach..."
• Emphasize autonomy: "Ultimately it's your choice. I'm sharing what I know works."
• If it's persistent, address it directly: "I've noticed you often disagree with my suggestions. Help me understand what you're looking for from our work together."

Case Study: Communication Transformation

The Situation: Coach Marcus was technically competent but struggled with client retention. Clients would train for a few months, then leave. Exit conversations revealed a pattern: clients didn't feel understood or connected.

Assessment: Observation revealed communication issues. Marcus talked more than he listened. He offered solutions before understanding problems. His feedback was constant correction with little positive recognition. He was teaching at clients rather than coaching with them.

Intervention approach:

1. Active listening training: Marcus practiced listening without immediately responding. He started sessions with open-ended questions and let clients talk before offering guidance.

2. Ratio tracking: Marcus tracked his talk-to-listen ratio. Initially 80% talking. Goal: 50% or less in initial portions of sessions.

3. MI skills development: Learned and practiced open-ended questions, reflections, and affirmations. Role-played client scenarios.

4. Feedback adjustment: Reduced volume of correction per set. Added specific positive observations. Focused on one priority correction at a time.

5. Check-ins: Started asking clients for feedback on coaching. "What's working well? What could I do differently?"

Outcome: Over three months, Marcus's retention improved significantly. Client feedback shifted from "he knows his stuff" to "he really gets me." The technical knowledge hadn't changed—the delivery had.

Self-Reflection Exercise

Part 1: Listening Assessment

Rate yourself honestly (1-10) on these listening behaviors:

• Giving full attention without distraction: ___
• Letting others finish before responding: ___
• Asking clarifying questions: ___
• Paraphrasing to check understanding: ___
• Acknowledging emotions: ___

Part 2: Communication Style

Reflect on your typical communication:

• Do you tend to talk more or listen more in sessions?
• How often do you use open-ended versus closed questions?
• How do you typically respond when clients express resistance?
• What's your ratio of positive to corrective feedback?

Part 3: Practice Goals

Identify one communication skill to deliberately practice:

How will you practice it?

How will you know if you're improving?

Part 4: Client Feedback

If you're currently coaching:

• When did you last ask a client for feedback on your coaching?
• What did you learn?
• What will you ask about this week?

Communication skills are like physical skills—they improve with deliberate practice. The investment pays dividends in client relationships, retention, and impact.

In the final chapter, we'll address building client autonomy—how to develop clients who can eventually thrive without you.